Marriage is nothing more than a padlock

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Permalink Reply by Ashipa James Olashupo on June 28, 2009 at 4:15pm

He who finds a wife finds a good thing. A beautiful lady like you should get a God-fearing man and settle down in marriage. I wish you good luck!

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Permalink Reply by faith ebhoaye on June 28, 2009 at 10:00pm

my dear vicki, God ordain marriages for both man and woman. there is a blessing in marriage that every individual on planet earth will received from our Almighty God, he said he who find a good wife obtain favour from God.
i must tell you that God gave us everything in order for us to make a choice by ourselves to choose, is it the good life or the bad.
don't let the marriage pressure of our society today make a wrong choice for you.there are 70% marriages that are hell today and many are yet to join the cue, this is because wrong choices were made,
there are so many factors that can cause a war fare marriages, lack of marital knowledge, pleasing our societal demand, lack of good communication skills in both party, financial influence, non compatibility, etc.
there is no human being on earth that is not good,the question to ask ourselves is how many of us define the so called LOVE the way it suppose to be. for me "Love means acceptance". that is what i refer to as unconditional LOVE.
accepting both party irrespective of every other thing one may regards as bad, in this contest marriages will be heaven on earth.
dear vicki, the choice is yours, others marriages are not pleasant does not me yours will not, it is the way you spread your bed that you laid on it. if you desire good and enjoyable marriage, first work on yourself so that when the man comes you will be fully ready to accept him. because a woman make a home not the man. no matter how worst the man may be one day he will realised himself and give you your respect for be there for him, In all things learn how to LOVE, because when you love you will forgive easily,malice will make you grow older than your real age. remember fear is a mirage it does not exist, WISH YOU SUCCESS. (CONT)

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Permalink Reply by Vicki on June 30, 2009 at 1:39am

Ashipa James Olashupo said:

He who finds a wife finds a good thing. A beautiful lady like you should get a God-fearing man and settle down in marriage. I wish you good luck!

Thanks Ashipa for your advice but i'm already stuck with someone.


Reply by faith ebhoaye 1 day ago
my dear vicki, God ordain marriages for both man and woman. there is a blessing in marriage that every individual on planet earth will received from our Almighty God, he said he who find a good wife obtain favour from God.............there is no human being on earth that is not good,the question to ask ourselves is how many of us define the so called LOVE the way it suppose to be. for me "Love means acceptance". that is what i refer to as unconditional LOVE.......

Faith, very wise words! I agree with most of your arguements but i disagree that love means acceptance. I love my partner in a way words cannot describe. He is my life, my best friend, the only man i am going to be with until i die etc. However i refuse to accept some of his irritating shortcomings and i always react whenever he does/say things which i find very annoying. Normally, i end the relationship for weeks and months until he apologises or until i'm no longer angry about what ever it is i was annoyed about.

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Permalink Reply by Kaneng T. Dawang on June 30, 2009 at 7:00am

my dear i have read your comment on marraiger and the responses so far.

i like what Faith said, and she is true to the extent that God ordained marraige for our benefit, and to be enjoyed by all. the most important fact is that we are made for God's own pleasure, to worship Him and live for Him alone thats where we find our fulfilment.

we must not fashion ourlives after the order of the society, but we will have to do what we think is right and which satisfies our concience. the Holy Bible says if your heart condemns you , you are condemned indeed; therefore the heart of man is the ultimate judge of a man's actions. that is whre God resides.

Love is all about acceptance, it has to do with tolerance, sacrifice all spell Love. you love irrespective of. like someone recently told me, you look out for three worst attitudes or habits in a person and you tell yourself you will work towards tolerating them them you are on the path to a healthy relationship.

getting angry over things, and staying away for that long is not healthy for a relationship. you will get use to it that it becomes normal and you begin to strive in strife. this is not a love environment. pardon me, i feel it is loveless. believe me i am speaking from experience. if it really pisses you , it will only get worse. believe me sister, i have toed that path, and i know where it will lead to!

marraige is not a padlock, rather it is the key to happiness, and success if entered into with guidiance and understanding. have you ever had a relationship where love thrived? then you can have such marraige. it is not a bed of roses, but can be heaven on earth.

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Permalink Reply by Vicki on June 30, 2009 at 7:20pm

Kaneng T. Dawang said:

my dear i have read your comment on marraiger and the responses so far.
i like what Faith said, and she is true to the extent that God ordained marraige for our benefit, and to be enjoyed by all. the most important fact is that we are made for God's own pleasure, to worship Him and live for Him alone thats where we find our fulfilment.................... getting angry over things, and staying away for that long is not healthy for a relationship. you will get use to it that it becomes normal and you begin to strive in strife. this is not a love environment. pardon me, i feel it is loveless. believe me i am speaking from experience. if it really pisses you , it will only get worse. believe me sister, i have toed that path, and i know where it will lead to! marraige is not a padlock, rather it is the key to happiness, and success if entered into with guidiance and understanding........ it is not a bed of roses, but can be heaven on earth.

Intresting response Kaneng,you have really got me thinking. You explained that love is about tolerance i suppose you are right. i agree the world will be a better place if we are all a little bit more tolerant; one flaw perhaps but surely not three!
You also argued that getting angry and staying away for long periods is not healthy for a relationship. I beg to differ, if anything i will argue that it is d reverse. Everyone has their own unique coping strategy, i deal with very stressful situations by 'running away'. This is a form of self protetism and it stops me from getting over stressed, the dangers of stess are well documented. My action of removing myself from the relationship is also a form of behaviour modification. It communicates to my partner that he has done something wrong and he needs to change if he wants me to return.
I also disagree with your observation that relationships such as mine are loveless, it may be so in your experience but not in mine.
Your prophesy "if it really pisses you , it will only get worse. believe me sister, i have toed that path, and i know where it will lead to" is really scary and if that is future I'm definitely staying away from the big M.
Thank you for contributing Kaneng your response was most thought provoking.

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Permalink Reply by alhaji hamzat on July 1, 2009 at 2:28pm

Hello with much greeting and happiness what i would advice is that; married is the good to idea.

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Permalink Reply by Vicki on July 1, 2009 at 5:57pm

alhaji hamzat said:

Hello with much greeting and happiness what i would advice is that; married is the good to idea.

Thanks Alhaji Hamzart ur advice has been noted.


onyema - TONY-FRANK 16 hours ago
I DISAGREED WITH YOU

Bro Onyema, I dey hail oh! I see u don't agree with me, fair enough, out of interest what is it that you don't agree with everything i said or some?

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Permalink Reply by Alvin Adewunmi on July 1, 2009 at 8:40pm

Friends have said that if you don't get married, have children and ...when you're old and ugly, nobody will take care of you. You will feel very lonely one day becoz you don't have family around you. The worst that can happen, when you die, nobody will remember you.

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Permalink Reply by Vicki on July 2, 2009 at 2:30am

Alvin A. Adewunmi said:

Friends have said that if you don't get married, have children and ...when you're old and ugly, nobody will take care of you. You will feel very lonely one day becoz you don't have family around you. The worst that can happen, when you die, nobody will remember you.

Alvin, beautifully put. It will appear marriage has some significant benefits.

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Permalink Reply by faith ebhoaye on July 2, 2009 at 11:06am

mr Alvin, i do not agree with you that marriage is all about having children or children to take care of us in old age, this were many of us made the greatest mistakes, by the time the children comes into marriage the love that bond the two people together will be shifted to the children and next problem that will face the house is love competition among parents over children. Alvin children are passagers that God only wanted you to take care of and teach them his way according to the bible. God said he will take care of us not our children. thanks

Alvin A. Adewunmi said:

Friends have said that if you don't get married, have children and ...when you're old and ugly, nobody will take care of you. You will feel very lonely one day becoz you don't have family around you. The worst that can happen, when you die, nobody will remember you.

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Permalink Reply by Vicki on July 2, 2009 at 5:46pm

Alvin A. Adewunmi said:

Friends have said that if you don't get married, have children and ...when you're old and ugly, nobody will take care of you. You will feel very lonely one day becoz you don't have family around you. The worst that can happen, when you die, nobody will remember you.

faith ebhoaye said:

mr Alvin, i do not agree with you that marriage is all about having children or children to take care of us in old age, this were many of us made the greatest mistakes, by the time the children comes into marriage the love that bond the two people together will be shifted to the children and next problem that will face the house is love competition among parents over children. Alvin children are passagers that God only wanted you to take care of and teach them his way according to the bible. God said he will take care of us not our children. thanks



Faith it's only reasonable to expect one's children will care for one when one is very old and incapcitated. I know it sounds selfish but I have moved mountain to care for my children so its only fair they look after me when the time comes. I plan on having a large family, 5 children actually, so hopefully the responsibility will shared. I'm also saving wisely for my old age so hopefully i will not be a financial burden. I'll prefer my children to directly provide all of my care but if for some reason they are not able to do so, i will settle for them overseeing/managing my care package.
I also disagree with your assertion that love transfers btw partners when children are born. The love one feels for one's child/ren is very different from the love feels for one's partner. However, i do agree with your observation that having children may cause friction in a relationship.

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Permalink Reply by Ebere Samuel on July 3, 2009 at 5:26am

Hey my friend Vicky,
I've read through some of the responses and I just think it will not be bad to say at this point that, marriage is not meant to be a padlock but it can become a padlock- the determining factor being the people involved in the marriage.
Everything has its use/purpose or intended goal. But an abuse can come about because of several factors.

I have read and listened to many people talk about marriage and I tend to differ on some points.
We should be careful not to define marriage, or any other thing that involves people, based on our personal experiences. This narrows so many things down to the strenghts and indiosyncracies of just a few and so creating a narrow-minded audience, that is , if the audience buys into the points made.
Marriage is as vast as the number of marriages that exists. Each marriage has its lows and highs and some are just flat. But it is the people who are involved in the marriage that are the strongest determining factor and not marriage itself as an institution.

It is also important to say here that, being married is supposed to be a blessing. But, that many do not have the exprience of this supposed blessing does not negate the truth that marriage should be a blessing. Marriage can also turn to a sour grape in the mouth of the people involved.
Having said that, let Me say also that not being married is also not meant to be a disadvantage or maybe say, a curse, as many view it. It seems we have come to a point where people see being married as an end in itself. Well, I beg to disagree. It is very possible, and infact recommended in the Bible, for some people to make the choice to remain unmarried. This has its own advantages. However, it is not supposed to become a norm. Also the people who take to that part should be sure of what they tend to achieve through it. They should also be careful to be in the know of the challenges that could come with that choice.
Marriage is good and not being married is also good. Each have there challenges, so anyone who is making a choice between the two should be careful to make out the best. But if you fail, it is not a reason to tag failure on any of the two. They are all a good way to be relevant in life. And they are also dependent on the people involved not on itseself as a way of life.
People who have challenges with either can and do get help , so they can still rise and keep going, with nothing to be ashamed of. Please lets be careful with our ideas because it can influence someone, soomewhere either for good or for bad.
Live full, be a blessing!

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